Providence
by liadela
Summary: "If you asked him last night where he'd be this morning, Ethan certainly wouldn't have said making a scene in terminal C." A look at how Ethan and Kristina's relationship might have evolved if she had gone to Brown. Multi-chapter. Ethan/Kristina
1. Freshman Year

"I knew you'd come."

Ethan's smile falters, his heart skipping a beat at her words. He doesn't deserve her faith in him. If you asked him last night where he'd be this morning, he certainly wouldn't have said making a scene in terminal C. There's a part of him that wants to make her understand, if only for his own sake, that he's far from perfect and the longer she looks at him wide-eyed, the farther he would fall when he finally screwed up.

"Kristina …"

He trails off, waiting for the right words to come, the words that would make her understand. But they don't, and the moment stretches on until the bright smile slips from her face. A subtle understanding dawns in her eyes and she reaches out sympathetically, taking one of his hands in her own.

"You're here," she reminds him. "That's what matters."

Ethan stares down at their joined hands. Maybe he doesn't give her enough credit. She is the one who pointed out he hero-worshipped Luke, that it may have been the reason his world fell apart when Luke let him down. He just never wants her to feel that kind of disillusionment, like you've lost something you counted on not because it's been taken away, but because it never existed.

She begins to rub the back of his hand with her thumb and he relaxes back into the moment. He raises his eyes back to hers, a small smile gracing his face.

They're standing there, still holding hands moments later when the final boarding call sounds. Kristina looks at the attendant over her shoulder and squeezes his hand one last time, the bright smile returning to her face. She looks past him and waves. He can vaguely hear the shouted goodbyes and I-love-you's behind him as she turns to board her plane. He'd forgotten about them. He watches after her until she disappears and he can no longer ignore the six pairs of eyes burning holes into his back.

He turns and strides past them quickly, ignoring the anger coming off Sonny and the worry in Alexis' eyes. No one says anything until he catches Molly's voice, faint but clear, breaking the silence.

"Wasn't that romantic?"

:::

"Yeah, I bought all my books today. I decided to drop that economics class and keep that History of the Middle East class I was telling you about. It sounds like it will be really interesting and the professor seems pretty cool. There's a lot of reading but that's what I here for, right? Plus there's a girl from my floor in that class, too. She's also a freshman but she's from here so she knows where everything is – all the best restaurants, coffee shops, everything." Kristina paused to take a breath. "I'm boring you, aren't I?"

The phone is uncomfortably hot against his face and his hand is starting to cramp. "Not at all. I could listen to you all night."

:::

She's home for three days at Thanksgiving and two weeks at Christmas. Time flies and her time is in heavy demand.

He runs into her the day before Christmas, doing some last minute Christmas shopping. There's one bag already in her hand when he sees her walking down the street across from him. He's already accepted her invitation to meet the next day to exchange gifts but he still finds himself crossing the street to catch up with her. She's stopped at a window display, staring thoughtfully at the mannequin on the other side of the glass as he approaches. She tenses when she notices his figure in the window's reflection, unrecognizable in the glass and he stops, pausing a safe distance away. She turns her head slowly to look behind her, and he catches the fear in her eyes before she recognizes him.

She relaxes immediately and turns to face him fully. Though the fear is completely gone, replaced by the sparkling eyes and bright smile he's used to, it's far from gone in his mind. He doesn't ask. He's pretty sure he already knows the answer and instead offers to keep her company for the rest of the afternoon. Her face lights up and she laces one arm through his, leading him further down the sidewalk.

He feels the occasional chill run through her as they walk, and her cheeks and nose are already adorably red from the cold. She stops to look at another display, debating whether or not Alexis would like a crystal tulip vase for her office, and shivers again. He pulls his arm away from hers and wraps it around her, pulling her close. He can see the small smile playing across her lips reflected in the glass, the one she always bites her lip to try and hide. This time she doesn't try to hide it and the smile never leaves her face as they continue down the street.

:::

"I don't have anything to do with that," Johnny argues. "I already told the old man to stay away from Brenda and the kids."

"Maybe you should tell him again. Something's going on and I find it hard to believe your father isn't behind it."

"He's not targeting Brenda or the kids," Johnny repeated. "He's going after Sonny and if he and Sonny end up killing each other … well, excuse me if I don't care. Saves me a lot of trouble."

"Talk to him."

Johnny sighs but agrees with a short nod. "Fine."

Ethan turns to leave, opening the door as Anthony attempts to walk in, nearly running into him.

"Hey! Where's the fire, son?"

Seeing Anthony agitates Ethan, and he glares at him before glancing back at Johnny. "Remember what I said." He turns back to the door to leave but Anthony stays in place, blocking the doorway.

He studies Ethan thoughtfully. "It might be time."

"For what?" Ethan asks impatiently.

"To prove your …" Anthony hesitates, looking past Ethan to Johnny. He leans in closer and whispers, "loyalty to the organization."

Ethan rolls his eyes and gestures instead to the hallway. "Excuse me. I was just leaving."

:::

Kristina barely makes it through the door, her vision almost completely obstructed by an armload of books. It's the end of the week, the end of Spring Break, and she will be leaving tomorrow. They've met each day for lunch at Kelly's and spent most nights together strolling through the park. He tells himself it's because he knows there's danger here, lurking a little more clear and present than usual, but knows it's because he's missed her as well.

Ethan quickly rises to help her, taking most of the books out of her arms and setting them on their table. "I thought this was supposed to be a vacation."

"I know. But I have a test coming up in that law class I told you about, and my mom thought these would be helpful." She looks down at the books on the table. "She really wants me to be a lawyer."

Ethan smiles playfully at her. "So … regret not going to Cancun yet?"

"No," she says. "I'm happy right here."

:::

The drive into Port Charles is dark, the roads mostly empty save for the stray car that passes, its headlights illuminating the car as it goes by. He uses each as an opportunity to sneak a glance at Kristina, her thoughts clearly weighing heavily on her.

She re-scheduled her finals to come home a week and a half early, anxious to see her family. She somehow convinced Alexis to let him pick her up and drive her back from the airport.

He thought it might be because she wanted to talk to him first, find out what happened, all the details everyone else tries to keep from her, a job easier done now that she's miles away. But she doesn't ask any questions and they're mostly silent on the drive back, the only words spoken a quiet greeting back at the airport.

She catches him looking over at her and tries to muster a smile but it never makes it to her eyes. She gives up, sighs and turns back to face the window. The scenery is growing more and more familiar when Kristina abruptly turns back to him.

"Will you take me to see my Dad first?"

He's not sure it's a good idea but it is what she came home to do. He nods and turns toward Harbor View Road.

:::

They both agree he should wait in the car.

He waits for almost an hour, growing more and more uncomfortable with each passing minute. He doesn't know how long something like this is supposed to take, but he has to fight the urge to get out of the car to check on her. He's looking down at his watch, checking for the millionth time when he hears a door slam.

She's coming toward him, practically running from the house. He jumps out of the car, running up to meet her half way.

"What's wrong?" He looks past her, glancing at the house. "What happened?"

It's dark but he can see see the angry tears, shiny and threatening to spill from her eyes. She shakes her head, the smooth skin of her forehead creased with the effort of fighting back the tears. He pulls her toward him and hugs her tightly. She wraps her arms around him and he can feel her shudder in his arms. She still doesn't answer.

"Hey, it's ok," he says, running his hand up her back comfortingly. "Come on, I'll take you home."

"No!" She pulls back, out of his arms, eyes wide. "I can't go back home. That's what he wants me to do."

"What?"

"Permanently. He wants me to move back to Port Charles, transfer to PCU. He said he needs to protect me and he can't when I'm so far away. Nothing's changed, he's still trying to control my entire life."

"Kristina, I'm sure by the time summer ends he'll change his mind. It's just now -"

"No, he won't. He said as long as I'm living at home, living off his money, he can tell me what to do. He's been saying it forever and now with Brenda gone … You didn't see him, Ethan. He means it this time."

"What are you going to do?"

"Well, I have a scholarship covering tuition. He can't take that away from me. I can get a job this summer and I can get a part-time job on campus when I go back."

"And where are you going to live?"

She looks up at him silently, the question clear in her eyes.

Ethan takes another step back from her. "Oh, I don't know if -"

"Please. Just until I find somewhere else to stay?"

He continues to stare down at her, sure this is a terrible idea.

"Please," she repeats. "I can't be his prisoner."

He sees relief flood her eyes before he even realizes he's nodding.


	2. Sophomore Year

Ethan opens his eyes, blinking against the sunlight beginning to peek through the open blinds. It still feels too early and he's about to roll over and go back to sleep when he feels it - a warm, solid weight pressed against his side.

Kristina.

His heart starts to pound, consciousness slamming down on him, as he lifts his head, trying to quickly take in the scene.

On top of the covers.

Fully dressed.

Completely innocent.

He exhales and lays back flat, staring at the ceiling as he tries to remember the previous night. He turns his head slightly, glancing down at her again, letting his eyes linger on the profile of her face, illuminated by the warm, golden glow of the early morning light. Several strands of hair have fallen into her face and his hand itched to brush them back, out of the way, but he doesn't want to risk waking her. Today's a big day and she needs her sleep. He frowns, suddenly remembering. Today _is_ a big day.

He turns his head toward the door and sees her luggage stacked, ready to go.

She's leaving today.

It's only been two weeks but one of her friends from school set her up with a last-minute internship at a law firm in New York City. She says it's not exactly what she wants to do but she would get paid, it would look great on a resume, and it was New York City. Kristina said it was mostly luck that she landed it so late, though there may have been a little string pulling from her mom. He didn't doubt that Alexis would do anything to get her out of his apartment, but they couldn't prove it.

He knows he should probably be happy, for her and for himself. It's a great opportunity for her and he wouldn't have to sleep on the couch for the next three months. But, if he's honest with himself, happy was far from what he felt when she told him. He dismissed the disappointment that settled in his stomach as a symptom of missing her for the last year.

Even though he was reluctant to let her move in with, not wanting to lead her on, it didn't mean he didn't want her here; she and Johnny were his best friends, after all.

Still, he can't ignore the feeling that something in their relationship shifting.

Last night, as she finished packing, she looked over at him and said, "It'll probably be a lot of fun. And a chance to get out of Port Charles. We could all probably use that once in a while, right?"

It's subtle but he didn't miss it, the offer she was trying to convey.

_You could come with me_.

He remembers a time when she would have asked and kept asking until she got the answer she wanted. There was also a time she would have said no to the internship and stayed here, playing house in his apartment for the summer. There was also a time when he would have said no, counted out the reasons why it was a bad idea, and just start lying if she persisted.

Maybe he really didn't give her enough credit. Or maybe she was growing up.

Either way, he knows the relief he felt when she didn't ask isn't because of her but because he's not sure how he would have answered. He's not sure what he wanted.

:::

"What's this for?" Ethan asks, counting a few extra bucks in the wad of cash Johnny threw at him.

Johnny shrugs. "Things have gotten significantly more dangerous and you need to be well-compensated for it. I don't know what my father's game is but the goal was to provoke Sonny and it worked. He's gunning for us." Johnny walks past Ethan, slapping him on the back. "And that's the deal - you're paid handsomely for sticking your neck out for us."

Ethan tips his head. "Well, glad to be of service. Especially when I get paid like this," he adds, shoving the cash in his pocket.

"Yeah well, remember I'm a kind and generous boss. I could dock your pay for the kind of trouble you're bringing."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Ethan asks, looking up at Johnny.

"Does the phrase 'Stay away from my daughter or I'll kill you' ring a bell?"

Ethan groans and falls back into the sofa, already sick of this conversation.

"Look," Johnny continues, "you walk around with a target on your back because of Kristina. I'm surprised Sonny hasn't hit the roof yet as far as you're concerned. Consider yourself lucky she left when she did."

Before Ethan can reply, his cell phone buzzes in his pocket. He fishes it out as Johnny moves to sit across from him. Ethan quickly scans the message and shoves the phone back into his pocket.

"Problem?" Johnny asks casually.

"No, no."

Johnny pauses. "Kristina?"

Ethan looks at Johnny, annoyed, his silence an answer.

"Yeah," Johnny nods. "Brave man."

"We're friends," Ethan says emphatically. "Sonny can bring up the Pine Barrens as much as he wants; it's not going to scare me. Nothing's going on." Ethan hesitates. "Besides, I think Kristina's finally grown out of whatever crush she had on me. And I never had feelings for her like that."

Johnny studies him carefully and he has to fight the urge to look away under his scrutiny. "I can understand why you're lying to everyone else – Sonny, Alexis, your family, even Kristina. But why are you lying to yourself?"

:::

She'll be home for three days at Thanksgiving and two weeks at Christmas.

Things have calmed down over the last couple of months so when she comes home, she'll be staying at the lake house.

He knows it's for the best. The quiet won't last, if anything it's like the calm before a storm, but Kristina misses Alexis and Molly and he's glad she'll have the opportunity to take advantage of it.

He's also grateful for other reasons, the ones he doesn't have to think about with her so far away. He wants to blame everyone else. Johnny for putting ideas in his head, Sonny and Alexis for seeing things that weren't there, and Kristina for making him miss her, but he knows it's not their fault. It's his and he'll deal with it, even if it means putting a little more distance between them when she gets home.

It won't be easy. He's already promised to meet her on Thanksgiving and Kristina's started talking about them getting a small tree for the apartment so they can spend Christmas Day together.

:::

"Knock, knock," Kristina says as she lets herself into Ethan's apartment.

"Hey, I was just getting ready for you," Ethan says, gesturing towards the plates he's set out on the table.

"Very nice." Kristina raises her arm, lifting the large bag she carried. "I brought plenty of leftovers and, of course, one dozen pumpkin cookies."

"So how did it go?"

"Pretty good." Kristina begins to unpack the contents of the bag onto the table. "Both Mac and my Mom came willingly this year which, I think, is a victory."

He smiles, continuing to open tupperware and remove foil. "Well, I admire your tenacity. It may finally be paying off."

"Yeah, sometimes people just need time to see what's right in front of them." She looks at him knowingly and hands him a cookie. "And maybe a little well-intentioned pushing."

He thinks for a second and takes the cookie from her. "I guess so."

:::

The New Year's Eve party rages inside, the music from the Metro Court ballroom almost drowning out his thoughts as he looks down at Kristina.

It's been a while since he's felt the need to remind himself of all the reasons this shouldn't happen - the age difference, her father's threats to make him disappear, his own father's warnings about being wrapped around a such a pretty finger.But they're all starting to sound like excuses and as she steps closer, her gaze wandering from his eyes to his mouth, they're fading fast from his mind.

She pulls him down and he willingly moves forward to meet her, his hands going to her hips. She kisses him and he kisses back. When she starts to pull back, probably to gauge his reaction, he moves his hand to grip her arm, stopping her. Her breath hitches as he lowers his head again.

She leaves three days later with a smug smile and his promise to visit her in the spring.

:::

Ethan and Johnny rush to the hospital and get there in time to see Sonny and Anthony face off in the middle of the trauma unit.

Anthony's eyes follow the stretcher as Dante is wheeled into surgery. He shakes his head slowly. "Children … so hard to keep an eye on them."

Sonny stares Anthony down. "I know … I know you did this."

Ethan looks around and sees Lulu and Olivia off to the side, holding on to each other. Guilt makes him hang back, behind the nurse's station.

"You do, do you?" Anthony asks, a hard gleam in his eyes. "I don't appreciate your lack of trust. And I don't like to be threatened. You might want to be very careful what you say next."

"If he dies, you know … you know what's going to happen. It's not a threat." Sonny pauses. "It's not a threat."

They probably would have kept going but Patrick comes out and promises to have them both escorted off the property if they don't stop.

Anthony leaves and Johnny follows soon after but Ethan stays. And he doesn't relax until Patrick comes back with an update four hours later. Dante's going to pull through.

Ethan drops his head to his hands, relieved. He texts Kristina to let her know everything will be okay. In his head though, he can't help but add _this time_. Just thinking it, he realizes he's never been so happy that Kristina left Port Charles.

:::

It's a seven hour drive in late February. She said it would be perfect since she wouldn't be home for Spring Break this year, planning instead to go on a service project to Central America. He encouraged her when she first mentioned it. The less time she spent in Port Charles, the better.

He waits for her at the campus center, surprised by how much the place looks like the brochure. He stops in front of a giant cork board advertising all kinds of summer internships, job placements, and study abroad programs. He studies it while he waits, thinking about how many opportunities lie in front of her. Literally, a world of them.

"Ethan!"

He turns to see her, all but running toward him, her smile growing impossibly big as she nears. She immediately wraps her arms around him and he embraces her back, stooping down to fully wrap his arms around her.

"I'm so glad you're here. I missed you."

"I missed you, too," he says against her hair.

She grabs his hand to lead him to her dorm room. As they make their way across campus, she points out areas of interest he's sure he'll forget.

He catches people looking at them as they walk. At least, he thinks he does. He looks to Kristina but she's happily chatting away, and never lets on if she notices.

:::

Her dorm room is tiny. There are two beds, two desks, and two chairs. He can tell immediately which side is hers without even looking at the pictures of her family pinned up next to her desk. Michael and Morgan. Alexis and Molly. Sam and Jason at their wedding.

He glances at the other side of the room and Kristina must notice because she tells him her roommate will be spending the weekend with her boyfriend so he can stay here with her. He nods and drops his duffel bag on the floor, trying not to think about the implication of her words or if she told her roommate he was her boyfriend.

:::

She insists that they go out to dinner. She can't wait for him to try the food at her favorite Italian restaurant. Over dinner she casually starts mentioning things they can do together while she's home for Spring Break.

"What about the trip?"

"Well, I was thinking since I'm already going to be gone all next year with the study abroad program, I could skip this trip. This way I get to go home and spend some time with my Mom and Molly … you." She smiles and nudges his foot under the table.

He tries to smile back but he's not sure it's very convincing.

:::

He sits at her desk while she's in class the next day, examining the books stacked there. Mostly business and economics textbooks. They don't talk much about her classes but he was still surprised when she announced that she had declared her major as business. He suspects it has everything to do with Sonny.

When Michael started working at ELQ, he and Kristina got the idea of using his on-the-job experience and her book smarts to legitimize their father's business. He doesn't believe it can happen, certainly not any time soon, but she sounds so optimistic and excited about the future, he goes along with it anyway. The farther Sonny falls, the harder they work to try to save him. Sometimes he thinks she would be better off walking away and never looking back.

Ethan's phone buzzes in his pocket. It's a text from Johnny. _We have a problem._

He is about to stand and call Johnny back when he notices a binder on the floor, squeezed between the desk and the wall. He sets down his phone and pulls the binder out. It is filled with brochures and print-outs from the Internet. Grad schools. He can't help but notice that they are all within a few hours drive of Port Charles. He's sure there's a reason for that, and it makes him uncomfortable.

He puts it back and walks to the window, momentarily forgetting about Johnny. He looks out, at the students walking around.

After Maya left, he told Kristina it was for the best. Their lives were going in different directions and it was better to get out before too much damage was done.

Now, he wonders when that thinking changed. And whether or not he was making a big mistake by being here.

:::

Ethan is waiting for her when she comes back.

Kristina throws down her bag when she walks in, a smile on her face. "Hey!"

"Hey."

The smile slips off her face as she takes in the look on his face. She bites her lip and tries to smile again, but its clearly forced. He knows she can tell something is wrong, and probably knows what it is, but she valiantly tries to ignore it.

"So what did you do today?" she asks, turning to pick up her bag and start unpacking her books, purposely not looking at him.

"Kristina …"

"Did you walk around campus? Or explore the city?"

"Kristina."

She puts her books down and takes a deep breath before turning to face him.

"We need to talk."

:::

"Why? Why would you -"

Lulu stops abruptly, and Ethan thinks it has to have something to do with the look on his face. He appreciated her concern when she first stopped by the Haunted Star but now he just doesn't want to have this conversation.

"Sorry, sorry. Supportive, I know. Just – why?"

"It hit me. I thought – I thought it was over, you know, making decisions because of me but I don't think it is so … I told her that."

Lulu studies him and shakes her head. "I don't believe you. I think there's something else, something you're not telling me."

Ethan sighs. "One day, years from now, she's going to look around and wonder what happened. How she got stuck here, dodging bullets meant for her father … or me."

"That's not for you to say. You don't know that. And you can't make decisions for her, Ethan."

He gets up from the table they're sitting at and walks to the bar for a drink. "She's going to regret it. She'll realize there's so much better out there for her. Better than anything that's here."

"What about you? You love Kristina, don't you?"

Ethan doesn't answer and takes a drink.

:::

Ethan's not thinking as he pulls a cute waitress in to his apartment, her flirty laughter filling his ears. Not that thinking would have helped. He knows Kristina still has a key to his apartment but she's supposed to be in Honduras building houses and purifying drinking water. Not standing in the middle of the living room waiting for him.

But that's where she is, standing in the middle of his living room, watching as he kisses a waitress, his hands in her hair and her hands under his shirt.

:::

Kristina is leaving for Rome today.

He only knows because Molly keeps him updated. Kristina has been home all summer but he hasn't seen her once, not even in passing. He hasn't made much of an effort himself, preferring to spend all his time hiding in the Haunted Star. And she hasn't come looking for him either.

The last contact he had with her was one day when he came home and found the spare key taped to his door.

Ethan is all too aware of how much time passes without talking to her. He counts the days without meaning to and thinks that she's gone, really gone this time, along with the responsibility and stress and dangerous father and mob wars and age and all the reasons it was a bad idea.

And he misses her.

He knows he could go to her, beg her to listen, apologize for all his doubts and the way he's treated her. She might forgive him and one day the light in her eyes might return.

But he won't. He won't show up at the airport this time because he still has the same doubts.

And he hates watching her leave.


	3. Junior Year

Ethan stands awkwardly in the doorway of the reception hall trying to ignore how easy it would be to leave, to convince himself that "brotherly duty" doesn't include standing around a crowded room watching other people have a good time.

And they are having a good time.

Dante's extended family is happy and loud, their seemingly endless joy almost guaranteeing that the party will go on well into the early morning hours. It's lively and festive and completely different from the last wedding reception he attended.

Sonny and Brenda's reception was more sophisticated. There were fewer people, and he wasn't alone.

Sighing, Ethan leans against the doorframe. He's not going anywhere.

He's scanning the reception hall, looking for a dark corner to hide in, when a commotion catches his eye. It's Tracy, arguing with Brook Lynn and growing more animated by the second. A small crowd starts to form and Ethan rolls his eyes, wondering where Luke is. He's usually the one to wrangle her before things can get out of control.

Ethan's eyes search the room twice before he spots Luke and, when he does, he has to blink, almost not recognizing him.

Luke is at the center of the dance floor, his arms wrapped around Laura as they sway softly to music Ethan can't even hear.

The smirk slips from his face as he watches, feeling a little like he's intruding on a moment he shouldn't be watching, but he can't tear his eyes away either. He can't believe how calm and peaceful Luke looks. It's not something he's used to seeing.

"You can't even pretend to have a good time at my wedding?"

Ethan turns to see a beautiful, newly-married Lulu behind him, the white dress flowing around her making her look positively angelic.

"I'm merely trying to figure out how you actually went through with it," he jokes half-heartedly. He's unable to keep the soft smile from his face as he leans forward to hug her. "I guess congratulations are in order."

"Thanks for coming," Lulu says as she pulls back. "I know weddings aren't exactly your thing."

He shrugs. "If this is what you want, you know I'm here for you."

"It is. I know what I said, and there are always going to be reasons, maybe even some good ones not to be together but …" Lulu trails off, noticing something behind him. A small, wistful smile crosses her face. "My Mom once said never expect love to be perfect," she says, turning her attention back to Ethan. "She knows it better than anyone. But still, after everything, I don't think she'd trade a minute of their life together. I don't think he would either." She looks at him meaningfully. "Something to think about."

Ethan looks past Lulu, his eyes going back to Luke and Laura. He's pretty sure she's not just making a point about her and Dante, or Luke and Laura, but him as well.

:::

Ultimately, Ethan doesn't need anyone to remind him of Kristina. He thinks about her all the time, trying to reconcile the man who used to regret nothing with the man who regrets something all the time. He can't really explain it but he finds himself trying often, especially to a particular sixteen-year-old.

"I don't understand," Molly says because, as usual, she's trying to read this like one of her books, like he's the romantic anti-hero and if only she can get to the underlying reason – a fear of commitment, a misguided attempt to do the right thing, a subconscious desire to punish himself – then she can help them write a better ending to this story.

"I didn't even know Kristina would be there." Ethan sighs. "Molly, I know you want to help, but I think it might be best if you let this go. I never meant to give Kristina the wrong idea but I did. And, for that, I'm really sorry. I never wanted to hurt her. Do you understand?"

"I know. I know what you're saying it's just … I pushed Kristina to be with Kiefer. I thought they were so perfect together and then, when I found out that he was the one hurting her … I couldn't believe how wrong I was."

"Hey, it wasn't your -"

"I know. I'm not blaming myself, not anymore. It's just …" Molly pauses, studying him intently. "I was wrong about Kiefer. But I don't think I'm wrong about you."

:::

"Slow day?"

Abby's head snaps up at the sound of Ethan's voice. She quickly scrambles to put up the books laid out in front of her, the first words of an apology falling from her lips.

"Hey, whoa. What? Do I look like the boss or something?"

Kelly's newest employee freezes, studying him. It takes a second for her to register the playful smirk on his face but she finally does, visibly relaxing as he approaches the counter.

"I have a test coming up," she says, shrugging sheepishly.

"Don't worry, I won't tell," he says, sliding onto the stool directly in front of her.

"Besides," he adds, his smile widening as he eyes the criminal law book in her hands, "I might be in need of your services one day."

:::

Ethan has had the opportunity to talk to Michael a few times since Abby started working at Kelly's. They're pretty civil most of the time and though he's never mentioned Kristina, Ethan knows there is no way, as close as Michael and Kristina are, that he doesn't know what happened.

And maybe because it feels like more than he deserves, he brings it up himself one night.

"I'm surprised you even speak to me."

Michael doesn't hesitate; he understands immediately what Ethan means. "I don't like to see Kristina hurt but maybe it's for the best."

"What do you mean?"

"It's bad enough she's part of this family, but as long as you work for Johnny she'd be in the middle of everything. And I'm not just talking about Anthony. Dad and the Zaccharas spent years making enemies. Kristina's an easy target for any of them and there would probably be a lot of wrong places and wrong times." Michael pauses. "But you probably already know that."

He does.

Still, when he officially leaves Johnny's employ a week later, it doesn't have anything to do with his conversation with Michael, or Kristina or guilt or some desire to become a better man. After all, he's just taking over the Haunted Star - that hardly makes him a respectable businessman.

:::

"The age difference didn't bother me."

Ethan glances up from his coffee, throwing Abby a skeptical look.

"Really," Abby says emphatically. "I didn't care what other people thought about that. It was … what people thought about me."

"What do you mean?"

"When Michael and I started dating, some people thought I was a gift from his father. Then, at ELQ, they thought I only got the job because of him and, the truth is, I did. I'm not saying," Abby adds before Ethan gets a chance to argue, "that I wasn't qualified or I didn't deserve a job like that. Just that, it didn't matter to anyone how smart I was or what I could do. It's like when people found out I worked at Vaughn's. I'm not ashamed that I worked there but … the way people would look at me … I hated it."

"That's why you quit?"

Ethan never asked Abby why she applied for the job at Kelly's but it had crossed his mind a few times. He couldn't imagine why she wanted to work here, especially since the job at ELQ seemed pretty cushy.

Abby nods. "Waitressing may not be my dream," she says, looking around Kelly's, "but at least no one questions how I got here."

"But that's not why you broke up."

"No," Abby says slowly. "We broke up because … I met Michael before he really knew what he wanted in life. And it turns out what he wants and what I want ended up being really different. I love Michael but … I'm not going to tell him what to do or make decisions for him."

Ethan feels his stomach drop at her words.

"I can only make decisions for myself so … that's what I'm doing … even though it hurts," she admits quietly.

Ethan can only nod as her words sink in and go straight to his heart, a regret he can't seem to shake gripping him.

Abby finally breaks the silence and stands. "Do you want some more coffee?"

"No, thanks." He watches her go behind the counter and refill her own cup. "Do you at least like working here?" he asks, trying to change the subject, hoping it's not too obvious.

"Yeah, I do. But I think it might be best if I started looking for another job."

"I'm hurt," Ethan jokes.

Abby musters a small smile. "No," she says. "It's just that working here … I'm constantly running into Michael. I just think it might be easier for both of us if that didn't happen."

"I can understand that."

"Still, I probably shouldn't tell the son of my employer that sort of thing."

"My lips are sealed," he says, his lips quirking up into a smile.

:::

"Molly, what are you doing here?"

Ethan is surprised to see Molly waiting for him at the Haunted Star. Though she used to make it a point to come talk to him and give him Kristina-related updates, those had become few and far between as Molly settled into high school and her own life and the distance between him and Kristina started looking permanent.

"It's Kristina – she's gone!"

As he walks closer he sees the panicked, scared look in her eyes and a sinking feeling settles in his gut.

"What do you mean she's gone?"

"She was supposed to be home two days ago. I talked to her Tuesday but the call dropped. I tried calling her back but there was no answer. I didn't think it mattered. I figured she'd be home soon anyway." Molly's eyes begin to well with tears. "I should have said something. I should have realized something was wrong."

Ethan reaches out and puts an arm around her, his own mind racing as he leads her to a table.

_Two days_.

Though it could be a stranger, Kristina was in a unique position as a Cassadine and a Corinthos. The Cassadines had countless enemies, not to mention Helena, and any of Sonny's enemies might easily try to use his family to hurt him.

But no matter who's behind it, he has to think everyone is out looking for Kristina by now. Between Alexis and all the resources at her disposal - the Cassadine fortune and her boyfriend the police commissioner who probably has the entire PCPD on it - and Sonny and his organization, he's sure they're making progress. They'll bring her home.

Still, he never questions why Molly came to him and he doesn't hesitate to take her hand and say, "Okay, tell me everything you remember from the last time you talked to her."

:::

Ethan twists the knob and pushes the door open violently, storming right past Max and Milo into Sonny's office.

Sonny, sitting behind his desk, barely spares him a glance, busy talking to someone on his office phone.

"I don't have time -"

Reaching out, Ethan angrily disconnects the call. "So who is it? Who is it this time?"

Sonny stares down at his desk, taps his fingers a couple of times, before carefully setting the telephone receiver down and looking up at Ethan. "Maybe you should talk to your friend Johnny."

"He didn't have anything to do with this," Ethan argues. "And if you think he did you're wasting time Kristina might not have."

"You sound pretty sure about Johnny," Sonny says, rising from his chair. "You feel the same way about his father?"

Ethan hesitates. "Johnny would never let him hurt Kristina."

"You're still so concerned about my daughter."

"We're friends."

"_Were_ friends," Sonny corrects. He leans forward and drops his voice to a near whisper. "You should have just walked away when I told you to. I don't know exactly what happened between the two of you but I do know one thing – you hurt her. Just like I knew you would." He leans back, shrugging slightly. "Maybe it was a lesson she had to learn on her own. Either way, you don't get another chance."

"I don't really think that's your decision to make."

"I don't have time for this now." Sonny gestures to someone over Ethan's shoulder. "Please escort Mr. Lovett out."

Ethan feels someone grab his arm roughly and pull him toward the door. He turns, yanking his arm free from Max's grasp and starts to walk out on his own.

"Oh, and Ethan …"

He stops in the doorway, Max and Milo close behind, and half turns to look back at Sonny.

"Stay out of my way."

:::

Johnny follows Ethan into the train station, a little out of breath from trying to catch up to him. "You don't even know where you're going. What are you going to do?"

Ethan shakes his head, impatiently tapping his foot, as he waits in the ticket line. "She was last seen leaving her dorm. I'll start there."

"That's the best you got? Think about it. Are you sure you want to join the crowd over there already looking for her?"

"I have to. I have to do something."

Johnny pauses, studying him. "Alright. But it's on me – the ticket, and anything you need down there."

"Thanks, mate."

Johnny tries to shrug it off. "I like the kid, too. We have a lot in common. We were both born with a lot of enemies."

Ethan hesitates, Sonny's words still in his head. "Where is Anthony? Do you think …?"

"Nah, he's been laying low for a while. None of his associates have even heard from him. Trust me. Keeping something from me is one thing. But he can't do anything without a little help somewhere."

Johnny pauses. "Do you have any leads?"

"Well, Molly didn't give me much. They were talking about what they were going to do when Kristina got home and then the call dropped. Or Molly thought it dropped. She waited for Kristina to call back and when she didn't, Molly figured she got busy or boarded the plane, I don't know. Then Kristina never made it home. Molly tried calling again and someone picked up. The line was open but she said she couldn't hear anything. Then whoever answered hung up. That's when she told Alexis, and here we are."

"She didn't hear anything? A voice? Anything?"

"No. She said she didn't hear any voices. She did say she thought she heard something like a bell but she wasn't sure."

"Like a church bell?"

"No, not a church bell. But she said it sounded too far away for her to really tell."

"Where else are there bells beside a church?"

"I don't know. A school, maybe a railroad crossing -"

"No, she would have recognized that. Is Kristina near water? You know, the buoys."

"Yeah, there's a river and canals." Ethan pauses. "But if Molly told them they had to have already searched there. It's not like here where -"

Ethan freezes and Johnny looks at him, the same thought crossing both their minds. "Are we sure Kristina never made it to Port Charles?"

Ethan shakes his head, wondering if everyone is looking in the wrong place.

"No. She might be here."

:::

They have to be close.

Ethan and Johnny had searched several locations around the city before one of Johnny's associates volunteered this one – an abandoned warehouse on the docks, formerly owned by the Zacchara family but currently owned by Old Man Trujillo's organization. The associate said the area was full of activity and crawling with guards, way too much security for an empty building and he was right.

They encountered, and disposed of, several guards before splitting up to search the warehouse. Ethan knows they don't have a lot of time. They need to get in and out before any reinforcement arrives.

He creeps down the second floor hallway slowly, gripping the gun Johnny gave him tightly in his right hand. He's about to turn a corner when he hears footsteps. He quickly ducks behind the corner and crouches down, waiting to see if the steps were going to come any closer. They don't, becoming more distant instead before stopping abruptly. Ethan stands and risks a glance. He sees a man at the end of the hall, digging into his pocket. The man pulls out a key and unlocks a door at the end of the hall. He pauses to look around and Ethan quickly jerks back.

A long second passes before Ethan hears the door scrape open and a voice echo through the hall.

"Finally, I've been waiting for -"

The closing door prevents him from hearing the rest of the sentence but he would recognize that voice anywhere.

Anthony Zacchara.

He falters slightly, leaning back against the wall. It was Anthony. He peeks around the corner again, weighing his options. He briefly considers calling Johnny, but now that he knows Anthony is involved he's not sure it's a good idea.

He takes a deep breath and raises his gun, tense as he makes his way down the hall. He steps up to the door and pauses, hearing a faint rustling on the other side but no more talking. His hand goes to the door knob and, without giving himself a chance to think about it, he twists the knob and pushes the door in.

It hits something and Ethan realizes that the man is still standing there, in front of the door. It knocks him off balance and he stumbles forward, giving Ethan just enough time to knock him out with the butt of the gun.

Once Ethan's sure he's out, he quickly scans the room and sees Anthony tied to a chair and Kristina, unconscious, tied to another.

He drops his gun and quickly runs over to her, his hands going to her face, her forehead. "What did they do to her?"

"I don't know. She was like that when I got here." Anthony struggles against his restraints. "Untie me and I'll help you."

Ethan sets to work on untying her, careful to hold on so she doesn't slip from the chair. When he's done, he carefully lays her down in front of him. She's still breathing.

"Kristina?" He takes her hand. "Kristina! Can you hear me?"

"At least loosen the knots, will ya?"

"Kristina," he says again, ignoring Anthony. He pulls out his cell phone just as Johnny comes running into the room.

"John, thank God you're here." He leans toward Johnny as much as he can. "I don't think he would have helped me," he says in an exaggerated whisper, jerking his chin in Ethan's direction. "I don't think he likes me very much."

"You're right," Ethan calls out, dialing 9-1-1 on his cell phone. "But the police would have taken care of you."

He tells the 911 operator their location and hangs up, never taking his eyes off Kristina. He leans over her, smoothing her hair back and caressing her face. "It's going to be okay. You're going to be okay. You have to be."

:::

He rides with her in the ambulance, unwilling to let her out of his sight. The paramedics monitor her vitals around him but no one speaks to him, not since he refused leave her side, family member or not.

Minutes from the hospital, her eyelids flutter open. "Ethan?"

Her voice is small and groggy but Ethan doesn't think his name has ever sounded so good falling from her lips.

"I'm here, Kristina. I'm right here."

She blinks, focusing on him and, for a second, the look in her eyes is so familiar that his chest tightens and it hits him just how much he's missed seeing it, and seeing her. But as quickly as it appeared, it disappears, her eyes becoming guarded and a little sad. She takes a shaky breath and sighs, before closing her eyes again.

He tries to ignore it, but he can't. He can't forget how much damage he's done and the look in her eyes made it clear. He nods, more to himself than anything since her eyes are still closed. He hurt her, disappointed her, and she certainly hasn't forgiven him.

"I don't blame you," he says quietly.

He reaches forward and takes her hand in his, squeezing it hard enough to reassure himself that she's still here, still with him and okay. Soon he drops his head, letting his forehead rest against their joined hands, and closes his eyes for the first time in what feels like days.


End file.
